Chapter 22 – Each Of Their Struggles (1)

On an unnaturally silent road devoid of the usual rush, Vienna woke up to a cold breeze blowing past her. 

What was she doing here?

Confused, she asked herself as she scanned her surroundings and found out it was late at night. 

It seemed her body was instinctively on its way back to church, relying only on the moonlight.

‘Cold.’

She unconsciously looked for Starchis, who shared his warmth with her at times like this. Because whenever it was cold, he was always right next to her.

But today… Starchis wasn't around.

‘Oh right.’

Now he had a lover.

-‘Starchis… Take me to church.’

When she asked him, he answered in a slightly firm voice.

– ‘Sorry, Vienna. Unless there’s something urgent, please go back alone from now on.’

He decided not to take her home unless there was a special occasion.

‘-Elza.’

As she remembered Starchis’ firm voice, her heart thumped and seemed to have fallen into the abyss.

It was… It was real.

Starchis had a girlfriend.

Even though she knew he never lied, she hadn't believed it until she heard the name.

Wasn’t it a joke? She had self-centered hopes like that.

That was until she heard her name… Hearing her name made her realize that she was a real person.

Now, she had to believe that Starchis had a new encounter in a place she hadn’t seen.

"Haha…”

She let out a loathing laugh.

And when he was asked what Elza liked in him to confess so suddenly-

-‘Elza said: My body… is cool.’

-that's what, he answered.

Vienna's face was flushed with sudden heat.

Starchis's body was her work. Over the years, to keep his body pristine and in the best shape, even if she had to overexert herself, she had done her all to mend even the minor scars on his body received because of his dangerous work. 

It was safe to say that there were very few parts of his body left untouched by her because she'd healed him so many times.

No one knew Starchis’ body better than she did. It was her duty to protect it.

Yet, in an instant, it was taken away from her.

Besides, Vienna couldn’t believe it.

Just because of that?

Of all the many qualities Starchis possessed, that Elza confessed him only because of his body? 

More than that… her Starchis was snatched by such wh*re who only appreciated his body? A bi*ch who didn’t even know the charm of Starchis properly?

Starchis was an exceptional person. He had a kind heart, a cool voice, and an attractive face. He was trustworthy, and his virtues put him far above those who lived as saints. Although he was lacking in some trivial matters, he never backed down when it came to important ones. She felt at ease when he was around her. 

Starchis… changed her. 

His behavior was impeccable, and his occasional smile was beautiful, but he was also scary. She was afraid that one day his unyielding attitude would also turn against her... 

Walking home alone today made her feel like she was already experiencing it firsthand.

The moment she saw his eyes and the way he spoke, she knew that this would not work no matter how sulky and clumsy she behaved.

Tuck… Tuck…

When she raised her head, a huge tree appeared in front of her.

-‘I met Elza for the first time after taking Vienna to church. Isn't there a big tree on the way to my house from church? Near it.’

It was this tree.

The place where Starchis and that woman first met… that scene seemed to be drawn clearly in front of her eyes.

Maybe… if she sent him a little early, or perhaps… a little late. Or… would there not have been a future like this if Vienna was not bent upon meeting Starchis that day?

Then, Starchis wouldn't have been anyone’s yet, right?

Vienna's whole body trembled with regret.

Was there no way to turn back time…?

Vienna had such thoughts in mind while walking mechanically.

After a while, the church appeared in her vision.

A woman was standing in front of the church.

As soon as the woman saw Vienna, she ran to her.

“Vienna!! Why are you so late today!”

She was Casey, a probationary saint like Vienna.

As an orphan like her, Casey also grew up in the church since childhood.

“And why isn’t that guy here today? The one you like.”

Vienna's chest felt suffocating at Casey's words; she didn't want to tell the truth. It felt like if she said those words, her heart, which didn't want to admit the truth, would have to.

“I want to go in..”

Slightly avoiding Casey, she entered the church.

But Casey stopped her.

“Vienna! What are you doing these days..? You look bad.”

“Get out of the way… “

“No. What happened? You look so tired since you came back from the dungeon last time.”

“…”

“Is it because of that guy?”

Vienna closed her lips tightly.

“Come with me.”

Casey looked around and led her by arm to the bench next to them.

Vienna was pulled helplessly.

Sitting on the bench, Casey asked.

“Is that guy injured? I guess this is the first time he hasn’t come with you, right?”

She again didn’t want to answer.

When Vienna was still, Casey spoke softly.

“Vienna… you have to talk to me so I can help you... Talk to me. Don't hold back, it will only hurt you..”

After being silent for a while, Vienna slowly opened her mouth.

“… he isn't injured.”

“So, did you fight?”

Vienna shook her head in denial.

“Then, what happened?”

Casey asked cautiously, placing her hand on Vienna's shoulder.

The words Vienna didn’t want to utter came through her throat.

“Starchis…Has a lover.”

“Ah..”

As soon as she said those words, tears flowed down involuntarily.

“He even refused to escort me from now on.”

“V, V...”

“The expression on his face when he said that was so determined … I … ugh… What should I do?”

“…”

Casey’s face was also stained with sadness.

“I can’t live without Starchis… What should I do?”

Casey hugged her silently… then she patted her on the back.

Vienna's tears, which she had thought could not come out anymore, flowed incessantly.

“I told you to be a little honest… “

“I didn’t know it would turn out like this…”

“It’s more strange that such a man doesn’t get a lover… He’s dependable, stupidly nice, and devoted. You told me that he acts strongly when he’s supposed to be a man. Oh, you told me to not say something like this..?”

Vienna started to cry out loud at her words.

Yes, she should've known.

“I should have had a little more courage… If I had confessed… If I had confessed… “

“That… Could have turned out to be bad too, Vienna… Let’s think of it that way.”

“No!!”

Starchis’ voice rang in her ears. When he was asked if he would've accepted anyone's proposal, his answer was:

– Maybe?

Then, if she had confessed...

If only she had controlled her heart that was about to jump out for once and proposed to him...

Could he have been hers now?

Could she have been his?

Maybe... It would have been.

If she had told him her honest feelings just once, she would have been sitting next to him now.

-‘I love you, Vienna.’

The words she'd always wanted to hear from him, she would have heard them from his mouth.

But now, she could only hear them with her imagination.

If only she had the courage…

She wouldn’t have to go through these feelings right now.

Vienna buried her face in Casey’s shoulder.

“UhUh…Ugh…”

“I… I’m sorry for Vienna, what should I do…”

“Huhhhhh”

“…Then, are you going to leave the party now? After all, you went to the dungeons only because of him...”

Leaving the party…? Yes, she'd joined the party to make him hers after all…

But to leave the party now…

Was there no hope left anymore?

.

.

.

It can’t be done! Absolutely not!

If she left the party, she'd no longer have any contact with him.

They wouldn't even meet weekly anymore.

No matter what, she couldn’t go on without Starchis in her life. 

No, it absolutely can not be done.

****

"Aaaaa… Haah."

I woke up feeling refreshed from bed today. 

Yesterday, I was a bit surprised by the sudden visit, but now that I think of it, I felt it was rather good.

It was better to lie sooner and put it away and feel at ease than constantly worrying about it.

I was afraid of being caught telling unnatural lies because I was drunk, but apparently, everything went well.

From now on, I would be able to refuse them with just a few words saying that I had to go see my girlfriend without any explanation.

If they didn't let me, I could make my refusal a little more firm.

My conscience was stabbed, and I felt a sense of shame at the ugly lie about having a girlfriend, but well, those things don’t give me time to rest. 

While ignoring the guilt, I opened the door to my room and went down to the restaurant on the first floor.

Many people were already enjoying breakfast.

For me, who always went out at dawn, this moment felt a little warm.

It was a different feeling than eating lunch or dinner.

This moment when everyone eats breakfast to start the day… It was good.

I sat in an empty seat.

What to eat?

While thinking about food, I also thought about my schedule.

There were still 3 more days left to rest.

Should I go fishing, which I wanted to do but couldn’t?

What about borrowing a horse and going for a long ride?

And those flowers I saw that day… Should I buy some of their seeds and grow them?

It was difficult to decide what to do with the unexpected free time.

Oh!

Then it dawned on me.

I still had one job left.

Once that was over, none of the three would have any reason to visit me until the day we'd go to the dungeon.

Okay, let’s finish with that and then think about what to do with the remaining time.

Oh, and let's eat first.

“Madame!”

****

-Knock Knock 

Lily stared at the door hearing the sound of someone knocking.

She hadn’t been able to sleep since yesterday.

Two scenes kept playing in her head again and again.

First of what Starchis asked her a week ago:

-‘Lily Noona, do you like me?’

The second scene was of the time he was asked if he would've accepted anyone's proposal.

– Maybe?

That was his answer.

The moment he said that, Lily's whole world was shattered.

Last week, Lily couldn’t muster up the courage to tell him the truth because he seemed angry.

So, she said she didn't like him.

But on the last day of that week, Starchis got a lover...

Lily had a chance…

There, if she had thought of breaking the Starchis Treaty, if she had told him the truth, she would have been next to Starchis, not some bi*ch named Elza.

And that one thought kept her awake.

She didn’t even want to fall asleep in the first place, but it kept tormenting me.

The moment when his scent, his soul, his body, everything about him could have been hers, she had refused it without even noticing.

It was the moment when her yearly unrequited love could've ended, and her dream could come true, but she let it go.

And such an opportunity might never come back.

-Knock Knock

A knocking sound was heard again.

But Lily didn’t want to be disturbed at this moment.

She'd never felt worse than this in her life.

She felt like pouring this feeling out on someone else.

-Knock Knock

Even if she pretended not to be there, a persistent knocking was heard.

"Haah."

Sighing, she stood up.

To be honest, the reason she stood up was only because of the hope that it might be Starchis.

– Crick.

As expected, it was not him.

Instead, a woman in a neat uniform handed over a box while greeting her.

“Hello! Lily… Is that right? These clothes you ordered last week were completed and I’m here to bring them to you!”

Oh, that?

A humorous laugh came out.

“…Haha…”

It was a dress she bought because she wanted to see Starchis' boyfriend look, but as she had said at that time, it turned out to be present for Stachis’s lover.

Could it be that all this happened because of Karma?

Was it her fault for not being honest?

“Then, I'll leave! Don't hesitate to contact us if you need anything!”

Lily received the box, gave a short greeting at her words, and closed the door.

She bought it at an expensive store in the hope that Starchis would wear good clothes. If she knew it would benefit his lover, she would have bought cheap clothes.

No. Still, she wouldn't have been able to do something half-heartedly for the man she loved.

Yeah. She should have just confessed.

Why couldn’t she have the courage?

Lily put her hand on her head and brushed her hair, clearing her thoughts.

'I should stop regretting now.'

Yeah, it wouldn't do anything good anyway.

With such thoughts, she opened the box and took out the clothes.

From the texture of the clothes to the curves they create, everything was completely different from the clothes of the same design that had been shown as an example.

Gulp.

Slowly, each piece of clothing was spread out on the bed in the shape of a person.

As the clothes were made to fit his body, even if she put down clothes just like that, she seemed to be able to see his body shape.

Lily laid down on it.

“…Haha..”

Just imagining it, it felt like being in his arms.

If only she could feel his comforting scent, if it was clothes worn only once, it would have been perfect.

She kept shaking her head.

Honestly, she thought she was doing a good thing for that bi*ch named Elza.

But when she felt like she'd done something good for the bi*ch who stole her Starchis, her stomach hurt.

She clenched her fists so hard that she felt like her nails were digging into her palms.

She just wanted to tear these clothes off.

However, she couldn’t do that when she thought of what Starchis would look like in them.

It was also a gift she was initially excited to give him. But the thought of his lover kept stressing her out.

So she had to use her head.

What could she do to use this gift well?

Oh! 

And a brilliant idea came to her mind.

.

.

.

-Knock

After some time, another knock was heard.

Lily could tell who it was without the person announcing it: 

It was Starchis.

After receiving the clothes, she knew that he would come even though he hadn't told her.

He must have wanted to show this outfit to his lover.

Even though her teeth were grinding at the thought, she wouldn’t show an ugly side to him like saying she couldn’t give it to him anymore.

She walked back to the clothes she'd folded and put them in the box. Then, concentrating her mind, she called onto the spell she'd cast on his clothes.

Once activated, she uttered a word.

“… Ah.”

– Ah.

Her voice rang in her ears again.

Satisfied, she nodded and headed for the door.

She sorted out her tousled hair and tried to wipe away tear stains.

When she was ready and opened the door, she saw her love standing outside.

The man who should have been hers…

She forcibly raised the corners of her mouth in an attempt to smile and said:

“Starchis…! Hmm, what are you doing at your Noona’s house? Oh right, if you’re here to pick up your clothes, they're ready.”

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