Chapter 18

A month had passed since the execution.

It had also been a month since Vivian had touched Kylo Allen’s arm and asked if he was okay.

She hadn’t sought out him since then.

He hadn’t come looking for her either.

Perhaps it was because they both knew there was nothing to say if they approached each other.

Or maybe the awkwardness was due to the strangely changed relationship since that day.

“Why did I worry about him that day?” It was a question she still couldn’t answer.

Whatever the reason, it had been a long time since they had spoken.

But sometimes, Vivian watched Kylo Allen from afar.

She only stayed at a distance where he wouldn’t notice her presence.

Even Vivian didn’t know why.

At first, she thought she sought him out because of hatred. She believed she wanted to confirm that he was still leading a painful life due to her lingering grudge against him.

But the more honest she was with herself, the more she felt there were other reasons.

There was an emotion that arose after the execution, different from hatred.

Perhaps it was curiosity, or maybe... humanitarian concern... but she didn’t feel the need to figure out exactly what this emotion was.

Kylo Allen’s daily life was monotonous.

Perhaps because he was assigned to the penal unit, he appeared at scheduled times to train, did menial tasks at set hours, and rested alone in his private space.

Watching him, he seemed a bit more mature than before. He was probably growing taller and becoming an adult.

Along with physical changes, psychological changes also seemed to be occurring.

In the past, he would suddenly come and talk or provoke her during classes or breaks, but now he just spent time alone enjoying the breeze.

He seemed to be wandering.

Many people considered him a monster after seeing him calmly behead someone, but Vivian knew that the execution had planted a huge sense of guilt in his heart.

Even taking walks was a way to calm such feelings.

Perhaps that’s why she was watching Kylo from afar.

She couldn’t take her eyes off his figure swallowing his pain alone. Seeing the strong him struggling made him feel human.

For the first time, she felt like she was seeing Kylo Allen not as her enemy but as a boy one year older than herself.

She didn’t feel relieved that he was suffering.

Rather, she felt a strange sympathy... or perhaps guilt.

She empathized with his feelings as they bore similar pains. Come to think of it, hadn’t he shouldered an even heavier burden? Especially one he didn’t need to carry.

Changes were happening in Rondor as well.

First of all, the discipline among the knights was restored.

There wasn’t a knight who hadn’t heard the sharp rebuke Kylo Allen had shouted in the courtyard.

Perhaps conscious of this, whenever Vivian passed by, the knights all gave crisp salutes.

The soldiers who used to salute now did so more neatly... even Baelor no longer ignored her.

And this atmosphere openly spread within the castle, so the formal respect toward her increased as time went by.

Not only knights but also squires, soldiers, and guards saluted her to the point of annoyance.

Vivian didn’t know how to accept this.

Should she be grateful to Kylo Allen?

But then again, the root of all these events was the Allen family.

Should she be thankful that they spilled the water and then cleaned it up?

Even the process of cleaning up the spilled water wasn’t a gesture of goodwill but a pretext to prove her weakness.

She didn’t know.

But it was certain that her heart felt heavy.

She didn’t know how many days she had been wrestling with the same thoughts.

“...”

Again today, at a similar time, she looked out the window.

Sure enough, Kylo Allen was trudging toward the riverside.

He looked around near the riverbank, then soon settled down and stared blankly.

Watching his figure, Vivian bit her lip and stood up.

****

“Refreshing~.”

Imitating my father, I faced the blowing wind.

Today, as usual, I was resting by the riverside after finishing my tasks.

Being here made me feel at ease. I loved the sound of the water gently flowing and the rustling of leaves swaying back and forth.

These were sounds I couldn’t hear in the snow-covered North.

If there was one thing I liked about the South, it was moments like this.

Sometimes the weather was too hot, but as I got used to it, it became somewhat bearable.

A month had passed since the execution.

Many changes had come to me as well.

No one in the penal unit picked fights with me anymore.

Under Burger’s orders, all the boy soldiers had gone to watch the execution.

The stigma that had settled on me since then hadn’t disappeared.

An emotionless monster, a cold-blooded person, a barbarian, and so on.

It seemed that not only because of how I appeared but because executioners in the South generally received such treatment.

And beneath that disdain... I also felt a slight sense of awe directed at me.

Men understand each other. No matter how much they curse you to your face, you can tell whether they truly look down on you or if they are wary and fearful.

Knowing that made it easier to endure such treatment.

Recently, the only ones who approached me were Balon, Willas, and Martin.

They had been quiet for a while after witnessing the execution, but lately, they’ve been trying to return to the old atmosphere.

I thought it wouldn’t be so bad to reconcile with them.

I sighed again.

Lately, I’ve been having nightmares.

Dreams where twenty heads rolled around like watermelons, quietly staring at me.

When I woke from those dreams, I often found my body drenched in cold sweat.

Perhaps seeing me like that made Balon, Willas, and Martin treat me more humanely.

But even if they did, for some reason, the blood on my hands didn’t seem to disappear.

Even though I had washed and washed until the smell of blood had long gone, when I zoned out, the scent seemed to waft from somewhere.

The guilt of having killed people lingered longer than I expected.

I suddenly wondered. How long would I have to stay here? Would I really not be able to return home?

—Step... Step...

At that moment, familiar footsteps echoed in my ears.

It had been a while, but I could tell right away who it was.

Strangely, if it was her, I could always tell.

But what surprised me even more was that she had come to find me.

We hadn’t sought each other out in the past month.

We hadn’t snarled at each other when we met.

Maybe because of the shared burden we bore on the day of the execution, we felt a kind of bond.

Perhaps because of that awkwardness, I had been avoiding Vivian.

Well, even though I was avoiding her, I always kept an ear out for news about her.

Realizing she was nearby, I spoke.

“...I heard you turned fourteen.”

A reply came from behind me.

“Yeah.”

She was standing closer than I thought.

“Congratulations.”

“...We’re not exactly on birthday-congratulating terms, are we?”

“...True, but I thought no one would have congratulated you.”

“Like how you didn’t get any congratulations?”

“...Yeah. Like me.”

“...Well, I did hear it. From the retainers.”

I scoffed at that.

“I bet none of them sincerely congratulated you.”

“And you? Are you sincerely congratulating me?”

I turned to look at Vivian. Those red eyes were watching me. Even after a long time, they still took my breath away.

Looking at her, I answered.

“I’m sincere.”

“...Ha. Don’t be ridiculous.”

“...”

But I was really sincere.

I was glad she was alive.

I was sincerely congratulating her for making it to fourteen and not ending at thirteen.

—Sit.

Vivian quietly sat down a bit farther away.

Between us was a distance where an adult could lie down lengthwise.

It seemed to represent the gap between us.

She picked up a pebble and tossed it into the river.

I watched her, then picked up a pebble myself and threw it into the water.

“Why did you come?”

I asked.

It was our first conversation in a month.

I was curious about what she came to say.

“...”

Vivian stared at the river for a long time without answering.

The wind blew again.

This time, her scent wafted over to me. A fragrance that chased away the smell of blood.

“...I came to tell you that I’ll be bothering you in a few days.”

After a long silence, Vivian spoke.

I raised an eyebrow and waited for her to continue.

“Uh, I don’t know how I’ll bother you. But I’m going to do it.”

I sniffed.

“Why are you telling me? If I ask you not to, will you stop?”

“No.”

I let out a hollow laugh.

Still, I didn’t feel particularly unpleasant. Maybe because it was Vivian who was telling me.

“Then why are you telling me? Are you worried about me or something?”

“...Do you think I’d worry about you?”

“You asked me if I was okay on the day of the execution... I heard it.”

Vivian, who had opened her mouth wide, momentarily froze as if at a loss for words.

Her lips moved busily, but no sound came out.

Then she gave up and turned her head, throwing the pebble more forcefully into the river.

Her face seemed to have turned red for some reason.

“Forget it. I’m leaving.”

With a splash, Vivian threw the stone and stood up, brushing off her hands.

...What a troublesome girl.

As she came all the way here, I thought she might offer some comfort.

But she just came to hurl curses and leave. Ah, did I do the same?

Well, we weren’t exactly in a position to comfort each other. I was just getting ahead of myself.

...But still, even though I went as far as cutting off people’s heads for her, can’t I at least hope for a bit of understanding?

Of course, she doesn’t know I did it for her.

She probably just thinks I was pretending to be strong.

I didn’t bother seeing her off as she left.

I simply gazed blankly at the river again and sighed.

“Haah.”

“...”

In sync with my sigh, Vivian’s departing footsteps suddenly halted.

The timing was so perfect that I wondered if I had done something wrong.

Even after waiting for a while, I didn’t hear her walking away, so I turned around.

Vivian was still standing in the same spot, looking down at me.

“What is it?”

Did she have more to say?

Was she planning to bother me some more?

“...”

Vivian blinked rapidly. She looked restless, like a nervous puppy.

Then, as if making up her mind, she frowned deeply.

She approached me and kicked me lightly in the waist, saying,

“How long are you gonna keep crying like that?”

“...What?”

After blurting that out, Vivian briefly showed a regretful expression, bit her lip repeatedly, and then bolted away.

Left behind, I stared blankly after her retreating figure.

-‘How long are you gonna keep crying like that?’

The words I had once said to her echoed in my mind.

“...”

A belated chuckle escaped me then.

Having my own words thrown back at me—I couldn’t help but chuckle.

Finding it absurd, I continued to chuckle.

Then the chuckle grew into genuine laughter.

Was she so restless because she wanted to tell me that?

Did she come looking for me just to say those words?

I kept laughing for who knows how long.

It felt like months since I’d last laughed.

I couldn’t get the image of her hesitating, struggling to say those unfamiliar words, out of my mind.

Her actions, her tone, and her words stirred a refreshing breeze in my heart.

It felt as if I’d just woken up from a long sleep; my body felt invigorated.

Just as I had been frustrated watching her cry, perhaps Vivian had been equally frustrated watching me mope, prompting her to come and say that.

To her, who always saw me pretending to be strong, I might have looked pathetic.

It was ironic. While everyone else was calling me an emotionless monster, she was telling me to stop being so gloomy.

“Haah...”

After a hearty laugh, I lay down with my arms spread wide.

The sky was so blue.

“...What a troublesome girl.”

I muttered to myself, venting with a mild curse at the complex emotions welling up.

I was feeling this way because of her.

...But I didn’t dislike it.

The fact that she knew I was down meant she’d been watching me for a while.

Just as I had watched her when she was crying, she had observed me moping by the river.

Come to think of it, this might be our own way of offering comfort.

Did she approach me with the same feelings I had when I reached out to her?

If so, I didn’t feel bad about it at all.

I chuckled again at the thought.

She was right.

I couldn’t keep being gloomy like this forever.

I needed to get up.

-Pat, pat.

Brushing off my pants, I stood up from the riverside.

A smile wouldn’t leave my face.

As I turned to leave, a maid who had been looking around cautiously approached me.

Her face was unfamiliar.

I wondered if she was someone else who held a grudge against my family, so I raised my guard.

But without a word, she came up and placed a small note in my hand.

“What’s this?”

Without answering, she quickly ran off and disappeared, just like Vivian.

“...”

I stood there blankly for a moment before slowly unfolding the note.

Inside was a short message:

“Be careful with your food.”

– – – The End of The Chapter – – –

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