Chapter 117

 

I could feel Asena’s desperation in my bones, but that didn’t mean I could just accept it.

 

“...That’s absurd. You’re telling me to step away from a war that broke out because of me?”

 

“.......”

 

“I won’t step back. You know as well that I can’t.”

 

From the moment I decided on war, I had no intention of sitting safely away and merely commanding. I planned to swing my sword alongside those who shed their blood for me.

 

However, Asena might have thought differently, so I needed to make it clear to her what would happen if I were to step away from the war.

 

Not only would I be branded a coward, but also a slew of stories would follow due to my already complicated circumstances.

 

Especially, fleeing from the war and tarnishing my honor was something that could not be recovered.

 

And if that happened, not only would I be pointed at, but it would extend to the Pryster family, Daisy, who would be my wife, and even Judy.

 

That was something I couldn’t just watch happen.

 

From the beginning, I didn’t even give Asena the choice.

 

“I didn’t come to ask for your opinion. I’m here to inform you.”

 

Asena bowed her head.

 

In a voice so faint it was almost inaudible, yet filled with desperation, she whispered.

 

“....I don’t want this...”

 

“...What you want and what you must do are different,” I stated.

 

How comfortable it would be if one could live without minding the judgment of others, following only their heart’s desires.

 

Asena, who had been holding my hand tightly, took a deep breath.

 

She lifted her bowed head and straightened her back.

 

With a voice that sounded a bit more assertive, as if she had made her decision, she spoke, somewhat reluctant - It seemed she acted that way because she knew I wouldn’t waver.

 

“...I understand. I won’t try to stop you from going to war anymore.”

 

To her expected words, I nodded.

 

“But in exchange, let me help with the preparations.”

 

The eyes that spoke those words had a strength I hadn’t seen in them lately.

 

I looked at her.

 

Yes, her eyes had regained strength, but... her body was still frail.

 

Her arms and legs had thinned, and her neck looked more slender.

 

Her body was still not in a condition to overexert itself.

 

“...No. You need to rest.”

 

Now it was my turn to object.

 

I couldn’t just throw her into the pile of documents that even I found exhausting.

 

Sure, my expertise wasn’t in politics, so there were certainly things that were more challenging, but Asena needed to rest, regardless.

 

Seeming to understand my concern, she said,

 

“...I won’t overdo it. I’ll just check the important things.”

 

“How can you do anything when you can barely keep down broth? You’ll collapse again... Do you think I’m doing this for no reason?”

 

“...Really, Oppa. I won’t help for long.”

 

Then she struck a chord I hadn’t anticipated.

 

“...It’s not just for you. It’s for the many soldiers going to war too. If I push myself a bit... I might save hundreds, thousands more...”

 

“......”

 

Her words inevitably shook me. She must have known I would react this way.

 

“Why do you think I studied, Oppa? I did it to be of help at times like this.”

 

“...”

 

“...If it seems like I’m overexerting myself, then tell me to rest. I promise I won’t argue and will take a break.”

 

“...Sigh.”

 

“Please, Oppa. It’s our family’s war. It’s the war you’re... fighting in.”

 

I shifted my gaze to Keirsey, who was beside us. Her eyes still held a fierce determination, but I could also sense her concern for me.

 

She, too, was siding with Asena, trying to persuade me.

 

After a moment of contemplation... I nodded, albeit weakly.

 

I wanted Asena to rest, but the truth was, we had no leisure for that. Despite Grandma’s help, there was a mountain of things to deal with, and it was overwhelming for someone like me, who had only trained in swordsmanship.

 

If Asena’s physical condition had been better, I would have welcomed her assistance with open arms.

 

But my hesitant attitude was easily broken.

 

After all, as she said, if it seemed like she was overdoing it, I could just send her to rest.

 

Since she promised to only check on the important things, there was no reason for me to insist any further.

 

“...If I tell you to rest, you rest immediately.”

 

“...Understood.”

 

No sooner had those words fallen, Asena, as if in a hurry, attempted to rise from the bed.

 

I pressed down on her shoulder to stop her.

 

“Where do you think you’re going?”

 

“I need to start now.”

 

“Not today. Rest.”

 

“I’m fine now—”

 

“—If you’re going to disobey me from the start, then don’t bother at all.”

 

“......”

 

At those words, Asena shivered and then slowly began to lean back onto the bed again.

 

While I wanted her to rest for her physical well-being, more importantly, there was still mental strain she needed to be spared from, hence my insistence.

 

She was already confused enough with the news of Sharon and the war.

 

But as they say, strike while the iron is hot, it seemed better to relay all the news at once.

 

“...And, I haven’t finished talking to you yet.”

 

I began more cautiously than ever.

 

The twins looked up at me.

 

Familiar, beautiful, my sisters… who love me blinked, waiting for what I would say next.

 

Seeing how weakened they were, and thinking of their hearts, I hesitated whether to continue...

 

It was something they would eventually find out, so I thought there was no need to delay any longer.

 

“...Judy, who saved me... You must be aware that she has been staying here as our guest recently.”

 

“...Ju...dy?”

 

Asena quietly repeated her name as if she were hearing it for the first time.

 

“...You didn’t know. Judy is here, Asena.”

 

After mulling over the name for a moment, something seemed to dawn on her, and she looked at me urgently, probably recalling the promise she had made with Judy.

 

Noticing her realization, I calmly informed her.

 

“...It seems Judy and I will be getting married.”

 

“......”

 

“......”

 

Both froze as they were.

 

Beyond that fact, there seemed to be nothing more I needed to add.

 

Any further explanation I could offer would likely be stories they wouldn’t want to hear.

 

Asena could no longer look at me.

 

For a long while, silence lingered between us.

 

Staring blankly ahead, she murmured weakly.

 

“...So... Judy ended up saving you, huh...?”

 

“...Yes. Judy saved me.”

 

“...If you’re accepting her feelings because of a promise I made with her, you really don’t have to—”

 

“—It’s not like that. I have feelings too.”

 

At the firm truth, Asena’s eyes trembled slightly.

 

But that was it. Unlike before, she didn’t get angry or express dissatisfaction with me.

 

Instead, she continued the conversation with a calm voice.

 

“...Anyway, I should be thankful... to Judy for saving you....”

 

“.......”

 

“.......Thankful.....”

 

“.......”

 

After struggling for a long time, she finally blurted out.

 

“...I guess I should say thank you...”

 

I couldn’t understand why, watching her, I felt as if something was lodged in my throat, blocking it.

 

I had no doubt that Asena’s gratitude was genuine.

 

At the same time, considering her feelings... expressing such an obvious sentiment might not have been easy for her.

 

“...So... are you going to Daisy and... Judy?”

 

Asena’s quiet voice continued to question me, but those questions weren’t really seeking answers from me.

 

They were just expressions of her trying to digest the situation.

 

“...Leaving me and... Keirsey behind.”

 

At that moment, Keirsey clutched at her chest.

 

“...Ah...”

 

Keirsey’s eyes, suddenly filled with shock, started to well up with tears.

 

Realizing my gaze was on her, she hastily glanced away, rubbed her eyes as if nothing was wrong, and smiled.

 

Then, she quickly turned, picked up a piece of paper and a quill from the table, and began to write.

 

Soon, stepping away from the bed, she covered her face with the paper, showing it to us.

 

‘Congratulations.’

 

I couldn’t see Keirsey’s face as she conveyed this message.

 

Behind the paper, only her pained laughter echoed once more.

 

“..........Ehehe..”

 

After that, Keirsey swiftly turned and left the room.

 

I considered stopping her, but by then, everything I had wanted to say had been said.

 

...And, knowing there was nothing I could do to heal her wounds, I felt powerless to act.

 

...No. There was a way I could help. It’s just that I had chosen to turn away from it, doing my best to ignore it.

 

Though Keirsey had smiled and offered congratulations, I knew better than anyone that it wasn’t how she truly felt.

 

I continued to look towards the door through which she had left, then shifted my gaze back to Asena, who remained.

 

In that brief moment, Asena’s expression had become much more resolute, as if she had made some sort of promise to herself.

 

Our eyes met, and she said,

 

“Oppa, I have something to say too.”

 

“.....I’m listening.”

 

“.......”

 

Her green eyes met mine without wavering, yet similarly, her lips remained still. She hesitated for a while, unsure of what to say.

 

“......Yes?”

 

Only after I prompted her did she carefully begin to speak.

 

“........In truth...”

 

Asena locked eyes with me, then subtly averted her gaze as she spoke.

 

“........In truth, I’ve given up on my feelings for you.”

 

“What?”

 

“I’ve let go. So... so don’t worry about it anymore.”

 

I too found myself unable to articulate a proper response for a long time. Although it was a conversation I had been waiting for, I hadn’t expected to hear it in this manner.

 

Such sudden changes, but then, feelings are always like this in their own way.

 

For the moment... I slowly smiled.

 

“.....I see... So that’s how it is.”

 

I knelt before her, gently taking her hands that were modestly gathered in her lap.

 

“Asena, you’ve made a thoughtful decision, truly.”

 

I praised her decision. Asena still wouldn’t look at me, but she nodded, listening to my words.

 

“....There will come a time when you think it was a good choice. You did well, Asena.”

 

“.......Yeah.”

 

“It’s good. It’s really good...”

 

I continued to smile at her, genuinely.

 

This was undoubtedly something that had to be done.

 

But.....for some reason, my heart did not feel as light as the expression on my face.

 

Instead, Asena’s expression seemed to reflect my heart more accurately.

 

The happiness I had expected from this situation did not manifest.

 

Was it because I understood the reasons behind her decision? Was it because empathizing with Asena’s feelings brought me pain too? Or was it because I still couldn’t fully believe her words?

 

Or..... could there be another reason?

 

All I felt was a mix of complex emotions.

---  End Of The Chapter ---

 

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