Chapter 24: Unknown knowledge (3)

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Keirsey had a hard time accepting the situation; not being able to hug or kiss Cayden ever again. It was difficult to believe such a sudden change.

Just not being able to do them was not a complaint. No, it was somewhat dissatisfying, but rather than that, it was a shock that she could not express the intimacy that the skinship symbolized.

Even if there were happy times, even if something sad happened, and even when they would get old, something that had always been a part of daily life was forcibly torn from her. It was hard to imagine. Even now, she couldn't believe it.

'For a lifetime? But I still want Oppa's warm hugs.'

Even when she was scolded because of some mistake, she hugged him and asked for forgiveness through kisses.

But now he told her not to do it again.

'Maybe he’s joking?'

As she always did when she was dissatisfied, or when she was afraid, Keirsey slowly raised her arms and approached him for a hug; She wanted to quietly go into his arms.

“...I said no, Keirsey.”

Cayden’s hand stopped Keirsey’s footsteps. Indeed, as if a curtain had arisen, he cut off all contact.

“…I stink.”

And the reason for blocking all of this was because he heard that he stank. How painful would it have been for him to hear such a thing about him?

“…..”

Keirsey didn’t want to believe the current situation. Because 'Cayden Oppa stinks' came out of her mouth for the first time.

Keirsey spread such a rumor because she didn’t want other people to wonder what it would be like to be in her Oppa's arms. She never imagined it would turn out like this.

Keirsey herself never once thought he smelled. On the contrary, there was never a time she didn’t like being in his arms.

Even if he was sweaty when they hugged, she was still drawn to his masculine scent.

“Ahaha… the smell… I… I don’t actually care about such things…! So please hug me.”

She begged, but he didn't waver at all.

“…But I care.”

Cayden said, making eye contact with her. It’s been a long time since she saw her Oppa like this. He didn’t seem to be shaken no matter what they said—

“…This matter is over. Now, let’s go get some food, okay?”

Saying that Cayden turned his back.

—Cayden didn't even hear their arguments. He was more determined than ever before. Usually, when Keirsey showed aegyo he always gave in but today, he seemed to be especially strict against her.

-Thud.

At that moment, Keirsey had the illusion that the floor under her feet vanished.

'What if... What if Oppa knew I was talking behind the scenes?'

“…Ah..”

What if he knew she said he stank?

It would explain why he kept pushing her even when she said she didn't mind such rumors. This would explain why he looked directly into her eyes and said the words ‘I stink’. It would also explain why he was not swayed by any kind of aegyo or grumbling.

“…Ahh..”

Keirsey wasn't sure, but she was starting to have such doubts.

If that was the case then Cayden would know all the rumors she spread; that he snored a lot, that he wasn’t that kind, that he stank, and that he was incompetent.

These were words that did not contain even a single drop of sincerity. But if he knew them, hugs weren't the only problem; maybe he’ll end up hating her entirely.

If Cayden knew the truth, she was sure that Cayden would be so disappointed with the betrayal that he would never want to see her again; Such a crazy future was terrifying. A future with Cayden who didn’t love her; Such a future was unacceptable.

Cayden suddenly seemed to be moving too far away.

Keirsey ran quickly and blocked his path.

“…Why?”

Cayden smiled a little. If he really knew, she felt an unfathomable amount of consideration in his smile.

Keirsey had to apologize. She had to let him know that her words weren’t sincere.

“Oppa...”

But what if she was mistaken? What if he didn't know? Apologizing could be like acknowledging her sins.

The fact that Cayden's reputation had taken a hit due to rumors, and that it was ultimately because of her that he was tormented by someone even to the point that students broke into his room to bully him. Also, her acknowledgment would let him know that the words that were the source of his bully were first come out of his most loved sister, Keirsey's mouth. Keirsey wasn't sure if he would be able to handle such a shock. So she couldn't speak.

She stopped him, but nothing came out of her mouth.

“Why Keirsey?”

“…Um..”

Keirsey swallowed her saliva. A seed of doubt had already taken a root in her mind. She didn't want to tell him she was the one who spread the rumors but she didn't want him to misunderstand her either if he already knew the truth.

“…Oppa, you know that I really love you, right? You know that I love you more than anyone else in the world, right?”

Keirsey showed her whole heart. She spoke with sincerity more than ever.

“…..”

Cayden rolled his eyes for a moment with a smile on his face.

“...Is that so?”

Originally, the answer ‘I know’ should have come out without any hesitation.

The problem was that brief silence. It was as if he had spoken to her in that momentary silence:

'Why did you gossip behind the scenes if you loved me so much?'

Keirsey seemed to hear his unspoken question and she felt like her heart was being ripped out.

With as much determination as she could muster in such a situation, she spoke in an as convincing voice as possible.

“It’s true. I really love you.”

Keirsey opened her arms once more and approached him. If she could hug him, she was thinking of kissing him.

She continued to appeal to him by showing the greatest expression of affection she knew.

But Cayden waved his hand.

“I said stop... Still, okay... Thank you for loving me.”

Saying that Cayden slightly avoided her and walked forward again.

Only a silver-haired soulless doll was left behind.

✧ ✧ ✧

They had dinner as usual; they exchanged jokes and talked about this and that.

When they parted ways, they parted with a smile; seemingly in a good mood. The next day they met, there seemed to be no problem as well.

But it was all because the twins were hiding their feelings.

The fact that they couldn’t hold him or kiss him suffocated them.

Again, rather than the lack of skinship, it was the most difficult not to show the symbolism and intimacy of the skinship.

Keirsey wiped her empty forehead. Originally, when they parted like this, it was her forehead where she felt the warmth as Cayden kissed her there. But it was left cold today.

–Thump.

The twins didn’t say anything to each other even when they entered the dorm. They didn’t even say goodbye to each other. Now, for even such a simple greeting, they couldn’t afford to smile.

Without a word, the two went into their respective rooms and spent sleepless nights chewing their lips, grabbing their hair, hugging themselves, and dreaming of Cayden.

They both were scared of the future.

✧ ✧ ✧

A few days passed, and I did not hug or kiss the twins as I had declared. I had even minimized stroking or patting their head.

It was difficult for me too. I wanted to hug them when they had a depressed expression, and when we met in the morning or when we parted at night, I wanted to kiss them like our routine, but I endured it all because I wanted to show them that actions had consequences.

Though I wasn't sure if it would work; after all, they claimed they loved me only when I was present and while I wasn't there they told lies about me. So I was not sure if they liked me or hated me, but I still stopped any kind of skinship.

Because if it was true that they liked me, they would think twice before spreading any more rumors about me. They might even fear I would cut all ties with them if they made one more mistake.

And If they didn’t like me, well… there was nothing wrong with that either. I didn't want to hug or kiss someone who hated me after all.

So I didn't think the path I was taking was wrong.

I had also somewhat achieved one of three goals I had set for myself; Now I was known as the strongest knight in the academy, and now I just had to replace the word 'academy' with 'world'. I knew I was making it sound like it was simpler than it was but I had to do it anyway one way or another.

I headed to the training ground to take a class while having such thoughts. Several of my classmates were warming up and getting ready.

I could definitely feel the impact of the competition. A few of them were beaten down by me, but friendship grew in the midst of it, and bad stories about me faded away.

And among them, there was one person who caught my eye; I saw Judy, who hadn’t been to class recently.

“Judy!”

I was surprised and called her name. She glanced at me and waved her hand slightly.

As I got closer, I noticed she looked different; a paler face, dark circles under now dimmed eyes, and with a blank stare Judy sat alone.

“Why haven’t you been here lately?” Ignoring the obvious changes I asked her.

“…I was hurt.”

I indeed knocked her off the horse… but what she said was clearly a lie. There were no visible bruises on her body and even at the time of facing her I was sure she wasn't hurt.

“Where were you hurt?”

I looked at her body and asked. She looked into the distance without answering.

“…..”

“…Judy, we were supposed to talk to each other if something happened.”

“…..”

“Last time, I talked to you about my younger sisters. You too should talk to me this time. Or is it really because of me?”

“……It’s not like that.”

I raised my head and folded my arms.

Was it because I took care of the twins for a long time? I was sure there was something that Judy was hiding.

“…Stay after class. Let’s talk about what's bothering you.” I declared and soon after the class began.

✧ ✧ ✧

Throughout the class, Judy didn’t seem to be paying attention. As I said, it didn’t look like an external injury, instead, she seemed to be hurt on an emotional level; I could tell that because I was also as numb as her when I heard about what twins spoke behind my back.

Since it was a class using a wooden sword, even a single mistake was rewarded with bruises. Judy was now covered with bruises all over her arms and legs.

I approached Judy, who was sitting on the floor rubbing her sore body, and sat down next to her.

It was a large place, but only the two of us were sitting because other students had already left. It looked as if we were talking about a secret.

“So why?”

“……”

“Even though you’ve been hit so many times today, aren’t you feeling well?”

When I exercised, my head felt refreshed. The reason for waiting for the class to be over was, of course, because I wanted to postpone the conversation so that we both could attend the class, but it was also the reason that I wanted to talk about it with a light heart after sweating like this.

“…It is related to the Ice family, right?”

Hugging her legs, Judy put her head on her knees and reacted for the first time.

“Well… I haven’t seen you since the tournament, so whatever happened must have happened in the tournament?”

“…”

Since she didn’t speak, I started reasoning one by one. Since she didn’t deny my claims, it seemed I hadn’t said anything wrong so far.

“Then it seems that people from the family came to the tournament. You wanted to look good. right?”

“…It’s not like that.”

“Obviously… didn’t you have an older brother? in the political science department... The eldest son of the Ice family.”

“…I don’t know. I told you we didn’t get along.”

“….Well…..”

“…….Haah…”

Judy shook her head and sighed. In that state, she was unable to speak. I felt like she was trying to hold back her emotions.

“…I got a letter saying that he wanted me to win.”

“…From whom?”

“…….father.”

“…Ah...”

The story was enough. I soon understand why she was behaving this way.

Judy was an illegitimate child but In the end, she belonged to the Ice family. No matter how unfriendly her family was with her and even if she was ignored for being an illegitimate child, Judy would still want their approval and love.

I didn't think she was stupid. After all, I also was unable to give up on twins either. The Pryster family had become an inseparable part of me as well. So I could understand Judy.

“….Sorry.”

I said quietly. She was like this because I won.

I felt embarrassed. Because in the end, I wanted to win the championship for the twins, and after winning, we just fought with each other.

“…Sob… hewww… Sob... heww...”

Suddenly I heard a sobbing sound next to me. Judy still had her head buried in her lap and was crying.

“What? Are you crying?”

I quickly turned around and headed in front of her. I bowed my head to see her face, but she was hiding her face safely.

“Judy…don’t cry… This isn’t the last contest… There will be many opportunities to prove yourself, but if you lose hope and despair like this, you would never be able to win. And Judy, second place is great too!”

“Hmm… sob… sob...”

“Are you okay? Uh? Next time... Next time we will win..! Okay?”

“How can I win with you..! Ugh…”

Judy suddenly bursts into tears. I was confused and couldn’t figure it out. It was the first time I saw a woman crying this way other than twins.

“Practice..! Just practice more. And I’ll help too. Oh, and…! It’s not like we’re hostile..! There might be a grouping contest… Then I’ll definitely help, okay?”

“……sob…”

“Then stop crying, okay?”

She continued to bury her face in her lap no matter what I said.

I quickly shook my head.

What would I have done if Keirsey or Asena behaved like this?

I imagined Keirsey crying right now. She didn't listen to anything I said and didn't stop crying. Then…

“…..”

I put my hand on Judy’s head and gently stroked it. Judy’s body was startled, and she raised her head slightly and looked at me. It seemed this was the correct answer.

“It’s okay. You can do better next time.”

Judy’s eyes just stared at me.

Suddenly, I felt like a large shadow was engulfing me from behind.

I looked back and saw a silver-haired beauty approaching us from afar.

It was Keirsey. Her eyes which were fixed on my hands exuded a strange sense of pressure.

As she got closer, she opened her mouth.

“….Oppa..”

“Keirsey, when did you come?”

She ignored me.

“…Why are you petting her?”

“…Yes? Ah… I was trying to comfort her…”

“But when I cried a few days ago… You didn’t even hug me.”

“…..”

Keirsey kept approaching us.

I got up slowly. She was getting too close.

Suddenly, she raised her arms. It was as if she was trying to hug me.

I raised one hand and stopped her. Then, Keirsey’s face became even colder.

…I felt this must be Keirsey's face that the characters in the novel saw whenever she trampled on them mercilessly.

Her eyes stared at Judy once, and then they glued to my face again.

Keirsey bit her lips slightly, then squeezing the hem of her academy uniform, she whispered in a barely audible voice.

“…Is that woman more precious than me?”

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