Chapter 17: Self-Awareness

 

It was the break time during the third period.

 

“Hey, Han-gyeol. Tomorrow is White Day*. Got anyone special to give a gift to?”

 

“If I don’t have anyone, should I give it to you?”

 

“Ah, there you go again. That was just a joke, you know?”

 

“Then maybe don’t cross this line on my desk if you’re so concerned.”

 

“And what will happen if I do? Will you be mine?”

 

“I’ll cut your throat in one slice.”

 

“How harsh.”

 

As I was pulling out a textbook from my drawer, the conversation shifted.

 

Ever since Yujin replaced Eun-ha as my desk partner, we have been chatting quite often.

 

He was not noisy, and he had a kind of relaxed aura, so we quickly became friends.

 

“Han-gyeol, who the heck invented White Day?”

 

“Probably some company. Why are you asking all of a sudden?”

 

“Just wondering if there might be a girl whom I would give a chocolate.”

 

“Join the club, man. I’m in the same boat as you.”

 

“Huh? You are not giving Eun-ha anything?”

 

“That would be weird. We’re not dating or anything.”

 

I knew tomorrow was White Day, but giving Eun-ha chocolates was out of the question. I was just thinking of giving her the usual orange-flavored candy instead.

 

“Isn’t it common for male and female friends to exchange gifts anyway?”

 

“That’s true only if the friendship is laced with flirtation.”

 

Huh? Was I flirting?

 

Well, from my current perspective, it might be a one-sided flirtation.

 

Should I give something? Eun-ha might be secretly hoping for it too.

 

But that would essentially be like confessing. What should I do?

 

The more I thought about it, the more I found myself entangled in a web of mixed feelings.

 

I had tried to think of a way to give it without any awkwardness, but it seemed impossible.

 

“Great, now because of you, I’m really torn about whether to give it or not.”

 

“So what? Just give it. Melt some chocolate, make it into a heart shape, and give it.”

 

“Why on earth would I do that? That’s like taking a derivative only to integrate it afterward..”

 

“What’s with that extremely cold and logical reasoning?”

 

“Just because I put effort into it doesn’t mean it’s filled with sincerity.”

 

“But Han-gyeol, think about it. The constant generated through differentiation and integration could symbolize ‘love.’ Like my heart for you.”

 

Yujin made a heart shape with his hands as he said this.

 

At that, I couldn’t help but furrow my brow.

 

“Integration constants aren’t always positive, you know.”

 

“Man, you have zero romance in you.”

 

“Saying a guy who was talking about love with Integration constant, huh...”

 

“It’s poetic, bastard. Romantic.”

 

I subtly cast a glance towards Eun-ha, who seemed blissfully unaware that tomorrow was White Day. Should I give her something?

 

It felt presumptuous, but the least I could do was offer a token of friendship.

 

“I’ll go ahead and give her something.”

 

“To who? Ah, Shin Eun-ha?”

 

“I can’t help but care because of you.”

 

“So you rationalize it like that?”

 

“Think whatever you want.”

 

“Hey, let’s play one basketball game after school today.”

 

“Do you think you’re some basketball star? You lose every time.”

 

“Actually, I’ve been playing against kids from other classes. And yeah, still losing.”

 

“Ah, fine then. It feels bad to refuse anymore.”

 

“Lovely!”

 

Eun-ha would be fine if she was with Jeong Harim.

 

***

 

Ever since the classroom seating arrangement changed, my conversations with Eun-ha during breaks had become less frequent.

 

It made sense given the dynamics between us, but it still left me feeling somewhat empty.

 

Once class ended, I often found myself stealing glances at her.

 

It was a selfish emotion, but it was my emotion nonetheless.

 

“Eun-ha.”

 

After all the afternoon classes were over, I promptly headed over to Eun-ha’s seat.

 

“Hm? Han-gyeol.”

 

“I won’t be around during after-school hours today; I’ve got a basketball game planned with kids from another class.”

 

“Ah, okay. What about dinner?”

 

“I’ll be back by dinner time. You’ll be with Jeong Harim, right?”

 

My gaze shifted towards Jeong Harim.

 

“How could I leave pretty Eun-ha all alone?”

 

“Thanks for that. See you later, then?”

 

“Sure. If I’m not in the classroom, just give me a call.”

 

“Okay.”

 

After speaking with Eun-ha, I immediately headed to the basketball court with Yujin.

 

“Did you really have to tell Shin Eun-ha?”

 

“We’re having dinner together, so I told her.”

 

“Anyone would think you’re a couple.”

 

“How does it look to you? Do we look like a couple?”

 

“You were pretty close before, but lately, not so much. So it’s a bit unclear.”

 

Yujin, who was holding a basketball, shared his observation.

 

Based on what Yujin was saying, it probably hadn’t been the hot topic among other kids.

 

“So, which class are we up against today?”

 

“Class 8. We’re betting sodas and bread.”

 

“Class 8? Are there good players?”

 

“It should be a balanced match, but keep an eye out for Kang Seo-ha.”

 

At those words, my steps toward the basketball court halted.

 

“Kang Seo-ha?”

 

“Yes, Kang Seo-ha from Class 8.”

 

I never thought I’d cross paths with him like this...

 

With that final exchange with Yujin, we entered the basketball court.

 

As Yujin had said, Kang Seo-ha was standing on the other side.

 

And on one side of the basketball court was Kang Seo-ha’s girlfriend, ‘Dolphin.’

 

“Han-gyeol, you look pretty fired up. Or is it just me?”

 

“If we lose, we die. If we lose, we die. If we lose, we die. If we lose, we die.”

 

“Ease up, man. Why so intense all of a sudden?”

 

“Quiet. Just give me the ball.”

 

Dribbling to the center of the basketball court, I faced Kang Seo-ha.

 

“So you’re the one Yujin was talking about? Word around is that we’d have been down 3-0 if you were playing.”

 

“They’re just exaggerating. Let’s just not get hurt, okay?”

 

“Sure, sure.”

 

We warmed up, twisting and turning, then started the game. We agreed to play for two quarters of ten minutes each, so I didn’t think it’d be too exhausting.

 

However, as the second quarter unfolded, I found myself soaked in sweat with the score tied at 25-25.

 

“Ugh, I’m dying. How many minutes are left?”

 

“No clue, dude. Maybe around three minutes?”

 

“What?! That much time left? I feel like I’m going to pass out.”

 

“If you have the energy to speak, run, you idiot... Geez, I’m wiped. Why is Kang Seo-ha playing so hard today?”

 

“Maybe because his girlfriend is watching?”

 

“Damn it! Couples are the problem!”

 

Could it be just because of that? Why did it seem like he was gunning for me? Was it because I had been hanging around Eun-ha, or was I just imagining things?

 

“Phew... If you rejected her, just leave it at that. Why are you rambling?”

 

“What nonsense are you spouting? Have you lost it?”

 

I didn’t want to lose at basketball or anything else. But just as we were deep into the game, two unexpected guests entered the court: Eun-ha and Jeong Harim, both in sneakers, clearly there to watch us play.

 

They exchanged a quick greeting with Dolphin, who was already sitting in the corner of the court.

 

“Of all the times, Eun-ha shows up now...”

 

And it had to be when I was playing against Kang Seo-ha, someone she still had complicated feelings for. The sight of him excelling on the court could send her emotions spiraling.

 

“Does Eun-ha’s arrival give you some sort of power-up?”

 

“It certainly fuels my competitive drive.”

 

“What? Look out, here he comes!”

 

Kang Seo-ha was barreling toward us, dribbling the ball at an alarming speed. I felt a surge of determination to stop him, even though physically I was near my limit.

 

Thump-thump!

 

I went head-to-head with Kang Seo-ha, arms flailing in an attempt to block him. Suddenly, he made a quick cut to my right. I hesitated, knowing that reaching out would result in a foul.

 

He jumped and released the ball. It went in. My stomach churned as I watched him celebrate with high-fives from his Class 8 teammates.

 

I gathered everyone and said, “Let me take a three-pointer, just once.”

 

“Why should we give it to you?”

 

“Exactly. Why you? Can you even block properly?”

 

“We don’t have much time; why not play it safe?”

 

“Right. Han-gyeol is good at offense but sucks at defense. Can’t block for shit.”

 

These little brats...

 

“If we lose, I’ll buy all the sodas.”

 

Upon hearing that, my teammates immediately changed their tune.

 

“Alright, we trust you. Go for it.”

 

Look at them switch up their stance. How much could a beverage cost anyway?

 

“Yo, block it!”

 

The Class 8 players took their defensive stances. We advanced, the ball making its rounds among us.

 

Then, the ball was in my hands. Thanks to Eugene’s excellent defense on Kang Seo-ha, I took the shot.

 

-Swish!

 

The ball sailed through the net. As much as I wanted to throw my arms up in celebration, I played it cool and headed back to our side of the court.

 

“Wow, Han Gyeol, you’re quite the player, huh?”

 

“Heh, what are you talking about? You were just criticizing my defense a minute ago.”

 

“Time’s running out; let’s play it safe.”

 

“Sure, let’s do that.”

 

“Ha, look at Han-gyeol showing off. You must be feeling pretty good about yourself.”

 

Well, why wouldn’t I? I felt I made a pretty cool shot. Plus, Eun-ha saw it.

 

“So, is this the final play?”

 

“If we block this, we win; if they score, we lose. There’s not much time left.”

 

“Agh, I suck at defense.”

 

“Just don’t foul. And you—take the center! Make sure you block Kang Seo-ha this time.”

 

Once again, I found myself confronting Kang Seo-ha. He dribbled swiftly toward me.

 

But wait... wasn’t he a little too fast? Without slowing down, he leaped and threw the ball to the right.

 

“Damn.”

 

But Kang Seo-ha couldn’t beat his own speed, tumbling forward and colliding with me. As we both lay crumpled and hurting on the floor, Eun-ha ran toward us from outside the court.

 

If she still had lingering feelings for Kang Seo-ha, it would make sense for her to rush to him—

 

“Han-gyeol!”

 

Instead, Eun-ha ran past Kang Seo-ha and sat down in front of me, asking with a deeply concerned expression.

 

“Are you badly hurt?! Let me see!”

 

--- The End OF The Chapter ---

 

[TL: White Day in South Korea is when guys give back gifts to the girls who gave them stuff on Valentine’s Day; it’s on March 14th.

 

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