Chapter 64: Confession

 

As I recalled the mock exams in March, my enthusiasm burned even brighter.

 

Today, I was determined to showcase my true abilities.

 

No more mistakes in my life.

 

But I wondered, was that too much?

 

“Eun-ha, it looks like there are flames in your eyes.”

 

“Of course. Today, I will take the test with all my might.”

 

“Cool down a bit. You should approach the test calmly and steadily.”

 

“Han-gyeol, on the other hand...”

 

Han-gyeol had been incessantly eating chocolate since earlier.

 

The chocolate wrappers strewn across the desk seemed to number over ten.

 

“Aren’t you eating too much chocolate?”

 

“Eating chocolate helps me concentrate. If I eat about twenty, I’ll become a god of concentration.”

 

“Maybe you should stop. What if you can’t solve the problems because you’re too full?”

 

“Should I run a lap around the playground outside?”

 

Han-gyeol seemed just as nervous.

 

“You weren’t nervous at all during the March mock exams.”

 

“That was the beginning of the semester. I didn’t have high expectations then.”

 

“You need to take the test calmly and steadily, too. Let’s give ourselves some positive affirmations. I’ll help.”

 

Trying to ease the tension, I subtly took Han-gyeol’s hand.

 

It was a plausible excuse, but I had to admit there was a bit of selfishness in it.

 

Maybe about forty-five percent?

 

“Does holding hands help you relax a bit?”

 

“No. It actually feels like my nervousness has increased.”

 

“Do you still get nervous when I hold your hand? Why?”

 

We held hands whenever we could, yet Han-gyeol still seemed fluttered by it.

 

“A prey animal caught by a predator, perhaps?”

 

“If you keep calling me that, I might really bite you hard.”

 

It seems that ‘predator’ had become my nickname before I knew it.

 

But considering my recent behavior, I couldn’t outright deny it.

 

“This isn’t the savanna forest, Eun-ha. It’s a school.”

 

“Anyway, don’t be too nervous today. It’s not even the real college entrance exam.”

 

I gently stroked Han-gyeol’s head.

 

“I’ll do my best.”

 

“Still feeling nervous?”

 

“A little bit of tension is not bad, you know.”

 

“Your hand seems a bit shaky, Han-gyeol.”

 

“It’s because I’m holding hands with Eun-ha.”

 

His words were so sweet that I held his hand a bit tighter.

 

“It’s okay. You’ll do well, Han-gyeol. You’ve worked hard so far.”

 

“Thanks for believing in me. You’ll do great too, Eun-ha. We’ve worked hard together.”

 

“Yeah. We’ll both do well.”

 

We eased our nervousness by supporting each other.

 

Soon, the other students started entering the classroom early.

 

Then the homeroom teacher came in and changed our seating arrangements.

 

“Everyone, I know you’re nervous, but don’t be too stressed. Take the test with the mindset of not making mistakes, okay?”

 

“Yes~”

 

After a brief morning assembly, the supervising teacher entered.

 

Seeing the teacher bustling about made me a bit nervous.

 

Time passed, and soon the OMR answer sheets and questionnaires were placed in front of us.

 

The teacher announced the start of the exam, and I opened the questionnaire.

 

Korean was a subject I was confident in, but I solved the problems more carefully than usual.

 

I read the passages in detail and carefully considered each option before confidently moving on to the next question.

 

The difficulty seemed similar to the March mock exam, so it wasn’t too hard.

 

After solving all the questions, I reviewed my answers and the questionnaire alternately.

 

With about three minutes left until the end of the exam, I reopened the questionnaire.

 

I marked with a star the questions that Han-gyeol might have found difficult.

 

“Alright, everyone, hands on your heads.”

 

As the bell rang, all the students in the class raised their hands over their heads.

 

While the answer sheets and questionnaires were being collected, I immediately glanced at Han-gyeol’s expression.

 

Like me, Han-gyeol had his hands raised, staring blankly at the blackboard.

 

It was impossible to tell from his expression whether he had done well or not in the test.

 

“Alright, do well in the next exam too~”

 

As soon as the teacher left, I headed straight to where Han-gyeol was.

 

“Han-gyeol, how was it? Did you do well in the Korean exam?”

 

“Huh? I think I did well. Seems like I’ll get a good score.”

 

“Wow-?! Really? That’s great. You’ve worked so hard.”

 

“Yeah. And you, Eun-ha? Did you do well?”

 

“I always ace Korean~”

 

My boastful remark made Han-gyeol laugh heartily.

 

“You did well. You’ve worked hard.”

 

“You too, Han-gyeol. I’ve been pushing you too hard, haven’t I?”

 

“What are you talking about? You’ve helped me so much. Any improvement in my grades is all thanks to you, Eun-ha.”

 

“Really? Ah~ Hearing Han-gyeol say that makes it all worthwhile.”

 

“Let’s do our best in the math exam too. I’m going to step out to the restroom for a bit.”

 

“Okay~ See you after the math exam.”

 

I returned to my seat and revisited the problem that had stumped me during the March mock exams.

 

Now, I could solve it even with my eyes closed, I had reviewed it so much. I was no longer afraid.

 

Han-gyeol returned from the restroom, and soon after, the next supervising teacher entered the classroom.

 

Then the math exam, which I had feared and prepared for the most, began.

 

Don’t be nervous.

 

Don’t get anxious.

 

I kept telling myself these affirmations as I carefully worked through the questions, starting from number one.

 

If I couldn’t solve a question after dedicating a certain amount of time, I bravely moved on.

 

After completing all the problems, I returned to the beginning to work through them again.

 

I should have done this sooner.

 

Doing it this way left me with quite a bit of time to spare.

 

The 100 minutes felt long, but I managed to complete the review.

 

After thoroughly checking my calculations, I even revisited the last problem, which I had given up on halfway through. Compared to the situation in March, there was an undeniable sense of stability now.

 

Right after the math exam ended and lunchtime began, I rushed to Han-gyeol’s seat.

 

“Han-gyeol~!”

 

“Yeah, Eun-ha?”

 

“I think I did really well in math...! It feels like I scored my best ever. I only guessed on two questions.”

 

“I knew you would do well. You’ve been working incredibly hard. It’s only natural you did great.”

 

“Still, actually feeling it firsthand is so reassuring and makes me incredibly happy.”

 

“You have such a beautiful smile. Shall we go have lunch now?”

 

“Sounds great. I’m even hungrier today after the exam.”

 

“Let’s not eat too much though, or we might get sleepy.”

 

“Yeah, yeah. Let’s hurry. There’s probably going to be a line.”

 

We headed straight to the cafeteria.

 

“I know it’s an obvious question, but did you do well in math, Han-gyeol?”

 

“Yeah, it went as usual.”

 

“Wow- As usual? That’s really cool.”

 

“Wasn’t it annoying?”

 

“Not at all~ I’m so proud of you.”

 

I playfully ruffled Han-gyeol’s hair.

 

“Eun-ha, you did great too.”

 

Han-gyeol then gently stroked my hair.

 

With the warmth and happiness, I felt like I could do well in the remaining exams too.

 

***

 

After lunch, it was straight to the English exam.

 

With my ears perked up, I completed the listening assessment and quickly moved on to solving the problems.

 

I felt I had finished both the Korean and elective subjects without any mistakes, true to my usual performance.

 

“Alright, everyone, hands on your heads. You’ve all worked hard taking this mock exam.”

 

Finally, the last subject was over.

 

I felt great having completed all the subjects without any errors.

 

Though I didn’t expect to rank first in every subject, the results were satisfying enough.

 

A sense of accomplishment kept making the corners of my mouth rise.

 

After the supervising teacher left, everyone in the class just collapsed onto their desks.

 

“Ugh~ Finally, it’s over.”

 

“Ah, my whole body aches now that the tension is gone.”

 

“I was so tense during the exam, I thought I was going to get a cramp in my calf.”

 

“Still, the difficulty didn’t seem much different from March, did it?”

 

“It did seem similar. But the March mock exam was a bit tougher, wasn’t it?”

 

“Ah, so the grade boundaries will probably be similar to March’s.”

 

“Probably. I guess we’ll see the predicted grade boundaries by tomorrow.”

 

While the students were chatting, the homeroom teacher entered the classroom with a bag of cell phones.

 

“Alright, you all worked really hard on the June mock exam. For those who did well, don’t get complacent, and for those who made mistakes, don’t be disheartened. Got it? With less than half a year left until the college entrance exam, some of you might start to slack off. This is the time to stay focused and keep pushing. Everyone, go home and rest well today. This concludes the homeroom session. Head home.”

 

I hurriedly gathered my things and rushed over to Han-gyeol’s seat.

 

“Han-gyeol, let’s go home now.”

 

“Yeah. Just a moment, let me gather my things.”

 

“Sure, take your time.”

 

We packed our bags and left the classroom.

 

But as we stepped out of the school, I noticed something subtle in Han-gyeol’s expression.

 

Halfway down the road home, Han-gyeol stopped walking.

 

“Hey, Eun-ha.”

 

“Yeah? What’s up?”

 

“I have something to tell you.”

 

“What is it?”

 

Han-gyeol hesitated, then looked at me weakly.

 

Then, uncharacteristically hesitating, he spoke to me with difficulty.

 

“I don’t think I’ll get a grade 1 in Korean. I’m sorry for lying.”

 

“Huh...?”

 

“When I checked, I scored 85. It seems that score won’t be enough for a grade 1. I lied because I didn’t want to affect your remaining exams if I said I did poorly in Korean. I’m sorry... I’m sorry I let you down after all your help...”

 

Han-gyeol’s voice trailed off weakly.

 

Hearing his dejected voice made my heart ache.

 

I regretted perhaps having put too much pressure on Han-gyeol.

 

I felt sorry, thinking I might have made things harder for him with my stubbornness.

 

But what I needed to offer Han-gyeol now was not an apology.

 

I thought about what comforting words I could offer to Han-gyeol, who looked so troubled.

 

Words a girlfriend can offer to her boyfriend when he’s struggling.

 

Words to say when someone is pushing themselves over the edge with guilt.

 

Just saying ‘it’s okay’? That seemed like something anyone could say.

 

‘Next time will be better’? That too felt too cliché.

 

As numerous thoughts raced through my mind, one particular thought settled in.

 

I embraced Han-gyeol, who was lost in his gloom.

 

Hoping my sincerity would reach him, that these words would comfort him, I said:

 

“Don’t be sorry. And don’t force yourself to be so strong.”

--- The End OF The Chapter ---

 

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