Chapter 136: Face (3)

 

I gently cradled Arwin’s head in my arms.

 

She did not push me away, even then.

 

But my heart no longer felt as at ease as before.

 

I had always believed that all conflicts could be resolved through effort, but perhaps that belief was naively optimistic.

 

It had been several months since I’d been with them.

 

There were moments when I felt our relationship had improved, but each time such moments arose, doubts flooded in.

 

Could we truly never get along?

 

Are we doomed to remain awkward with each other forever?

 

As I had thought before, I didn’t think I could be satisfied with just friendship anymore.

 

It always frustrated me to try and control others according to my wishes.

 

As the vice-captain of the Red Flames group, I had no choice but to learn this.

 

Acknowledging their freedom and their thoughts is the only way forward.

 

But perhaps that was why our relationship was becoming even more strained.

 

It felt like a cultural mismatch.

 

Both had said they could not love me.

 

And amidst all this, problems continued to arise.

 

...The king’s words echoed in the back of my mind.

 

He had said that polygamy is a harmful tradition.

 

I shook my head and sighed.

 

...Despite everything, I did not want polygamy to be abolished.

 

It was my selfish desire.

 

Before I knew it, Ner and Arwin had become incredibly dear to me.

 

“...I’m going to look for Ner.”

 

“...”

 

I told Arwin this as I let go of her head.

 

Quietly nodding, she went to sit on the bed that was prepared for her.

 

I stepped out of our temporary lodging.

 

Baran was standing there.

 

I asked him, “Where’s Ner?”

 

“...She ordered not to be followed. But it seemed she headed into the forest in that direction. I discreetly assigned Burns to guard her.”

 

I nodded in acknowledgment and started to walk.

 

“...Vice-captain.”

 

But Baran’s words halted me.

 

Turning back, I saw him shrug and say.

 

“Hang in there. Women’s matters are always complicated. And you know, getting caught with traces of a former lover is always a big deal.”

 

I smiled lightly at his words.

 

It was just like Baran, who had his fair share of complex issues with women, to make such a comment.

 

His playful remark somehow lightened my heart.

 

Given that Baran hadn’t seen the situation with me and Sien, he must have heard about it through the grapevine.

 

I resumed my walk, thinking about Ner and Arwin.

 

I mulled over the words I had said to them.

 

‘I... now only cherish you two.’

 

Words that had slipped out in a moment.

 

But it was no lie.

 

It made me wonder when I had started to feel this way.

 

Of course, I had known from the past that I had developed special feelings for them.

 

Yet, I was surprised at the depth of these feelings, more profound than I had anticipated.

 

In fact, if I were to analyze the reasons, I could find many.

 

There was a sense of security I felt with them, a kind one couldn’t get from friends or siblings.

 

It was a type of emotion one could only feel with a partner.

 

I had known this difference for a long time.

 

Even when I was living in the slums, I felt a sense of security with Sien that I never got from my friends Max and Flint.

 

It was the same now.

 

It seemed I felt a sense of security with Ner and Arwin that I couldn’t get from Adam Hyung.

 

Sleeping together, holding hands, laughing together, sharing meals.

 

Just having them by my side brings a sense of solidity.

 

I hadn’t realized how important it was to feel not alone.

 

Perhaps, as Adam Hyung said, I was tired of being a mercenary.

 

In the midst of it all, Ner and Arwin filled a void that no one else could.

 

Being with them also greatly reduced my anxiety.

 

We had been inseparable for the past few months.

 

Even if it was presumptuous, we occasionally shared talks about children and the future.

 

Unknowingly, it seemed I had given them much of my heart.

 

But now, it seemed the gap between me and my wives was becoming apparent.

 

Am I trying too hard to bridge an insurmountable gap?

 

“...”

 

I stopped pondering and started walking to find Ner, who had left.

 

From a distance, I could see Burns, who had been secretly tasked with guarding Ner.

 

All I could do was hope that my feelings for them would eventually be understood.

 

****

 

Ner impulsively left Berg, stepping outside, but soon swallowed a subtle fear upon sensing the stares around her.

 

This wasn’t the Red Flames group.

 

She was surrounded by the royal family’s people.

 

Unfamiliar eyes from the dragonians were fixed on her, yet there were no whispers about her white tail as before.

 

Clearly, Berg’s protection was at play.

 

Given Berg’s fondness for Ner Blackwood’s white tail, it seemed everyone had been warned not to tease her.

 

“...”

 

Now, wherever she went, Ner felt his presence.

 

She was gradually realizing how entwined she had become with him.

 

It was inevitable.

 

He was her husband, and she was his wife.

 

There could be no closer relationship.

 

In fact, looking at it that way, there was no reason for Ner to feel as anxious as she did.

 

Even on paper, her relationship with Berg was closer than that of the saintess and Berg.

 

But in reality, no one knew for sure.

 

She couldn’t precisely tell where Berg’s heart lay.

 

Though Berg had pushed away the saintess, it might have been due to the circumstances.

 

If she hadn’t been there... would Berg have pushed the saintess away?

 

“...”

 

Ner suffered alone, troubled by these unanswered hypotheticals.

 

He was her first real connection to someone.

 

Her first love and the one with whom she envisioned a future.

 

It was difficult because there were parts of his past she didn’t know.

 

Ner had no room for leisure.

 

Fearing the loss of Berg, she found herself holding on to him even tighter, pressuring him.

 

She would cast out the bait of her anger, fishing for his affection.

 

It wasn’t as if she was devoid of frustration to begin with.

 

With this thought, Ner suppressed the unease she felt among the royal soldiers and moved forward.

 

.

.

.

 

How much time had passed?

 

After a short while, Ner found herself sitting quietly in a nearby forest.

 

She wasn’t hiding.

 

She stayed in a place where she could easily be found if sought after.

 

As expected, the sound of footsteps soon reached her.

 

Ner’s keen ears could identify the person from the footsteps alone.

 

Perhaps she could recognize that particular person amongst many.

 

Ner closed her eyes.

 

“...Ner.”

 

Berg, who had come looking for her, called out her name.

 

Her body felt like it was melting in warmth.

 

Yet, Ner did not respond.

 

With her back coldly turned, she simply waited for him to come closer.

 

“...I was looking for you.”

 

Berg spoke.

 

After a deep sigh, he said, “How could you be so careless, being alone in a dangerous place? I told you not to do this.”

 

Ner knew he was conveying these words out of concern.

 

Perhaps it was because she understood his intentions.

 

Despite the words somewhat suppressing her freedom, Ner was pleased.

 

“...”

 

Ner did not respond.

 

Much of her anger had already subsided.

 

Yet, she maintained silence for the time being.

 

She waited for Berg’s next move.

 

He continued to walk towards her slowly.

 

Ner showed no sign of reaction.

 

- Click.

 

Before she knew it, Berg had come up behind her and gently embraced her.

 

He sat down behind her as well.

 

Ner found herself sitting between Berg’s legs, her back against his torso.

 

Her tail was slightly pressed, but Berg seemed not to mind.

 

His scent wafted over her, along with his warmth.

 

In this embrace, Ner’s emotions stirred.

 

A poignant feeling overwhelmed her, making her feel truly loved.

 

“...”

 

Berg remained silent.

 

He simply held her like that.

 

It seemed his own way of responding to her, who gave no verbal reply.

 

Ner did not push him away.

 

She remained stiff as a doll, just sitting there.

 

She might have had the energy to act upset, but no longer had the strength to push him away.

 

In the space where only the two of them existed, they remained close.

 

In the end, there was nothing to be said by either party.

 

There was nothing for Berg to apologize for.

 

For Ner, it had become strange to continue being angry.

 

So, she just sat there.

 

In the exchange of familiar warmth, a wordless reconciliation was taking place.

 

After all, this was what Ner had wanted from Berg.

 

That was why she had pushed him away.

 

-...Swoosh.

 

Gradually, Ner gently grasped the arm Berg had wrapped around her.

 

Her tail, which had been hesitantly still, now wrapped around Berg’s waist.

 

They were fully embracing each other.

 

Only then did Berg speak.

 

“...Ner.”

 

“...”

 

“...It’s about the past.”

 

Ner quietly listened to him.

 

“...I know it might be unfamiliar to your kind, who love only one... but what matters is the present.”

 

“...”

 

“I chose you.”

 

“...”

 

“...So...”

 

Berg seemed to struggle with his next words, as if he hadn’t thought them through.

 

Ner, with her lips quivering, closed her eyes and whispered.

 

“...Berg. Once our kind gives their heart, it’s final.”

 

Berg kept silent at her words.

 

“...No matter what the other does, it can’t be undone. Even if they hurl abuse or violence. As hard as it is to fall in love... it’s impossible to fall out.”

 

Berg sighed from behind and slowly nodded.

 

Ner continued.

 

“That’s why we’re more cautious about whom we give our heart to.”

 

She had already given hers, but naturally, she didn’t make that explicit.

 

“...How miserable would it be if I loved someone who didn’t love me back?”

 

“...”

 

“That’s why I hate it whenever something like this happens. The culture of the human race seems particularly incompatible with ours. Like it or not, you’re my husband... and I’m scared of what you might be hiding. It feels like I’m being deceived.”

 

Berg then pondered Ner’s words for a moment.

 

He nodded and took a deep breath.

 

“...”

 

Ner wrapped her tail even more tightly around him.

 

Had he known the culture of the werewolf tribe, he would have realized long ago that this was an action reserved only for a loved one.

 

In a way that he hadn’t noticed, Ner had been continuously expressing her affection.

 

...Though it might have been for her own satisfaction.

 

At the same time, Ner was preparing her next words.

 

With her tail, she was saying ‘I love you,’ while her mouth was preparing colder words.

 

“If something like today happens again... I might never be able to love you.”

 

Words spoken at the moment of their marriage.

 

She had bluntly stated that she might never be able to love him.

 

She reminded Berg of those words once again.

 

“...Really?”

 

“I don’t want to live miserably.”

 

Berg nodded.

 

“...I understand.”

 

Hearing Berg’s bitter voice, Ner felt a surge of emotion well up inside her.

 

She wanted to turn around, wag her tail playfully, and show him affection.

 

But such an act would be laying bare her entire heart.

 

In this situation, it was something she couldn’t do.

 

Additionally, there was a desire to protect her fragile pride.

 

She wanted to show that she too had a strong character.

 

The remnants of her pride pushed her on.

 

“...I’m still angry.”

 

Berg chuckled lightly.

 

“It seems so.”

 

“Just so you know, I won’t be letting go of my anger today.”

 

Berg nodded and held her tighter.

 

It’s often said that most marital spats end with laughter as if nothing had happened.

 

Ner wanted to believe that this moment was just that.

 

She had heard that relationships often grow stronger after a fight.

 

All she hoped for was that Berg would come to love her even more in the future.

 

Did Berg realize?

 

The fact that he still hadn’t said ‘I love you’ to her.

 

Only with his confession would Ner feel like she could open up about her own feelings.

– – – The End of The Chapter – – –

 

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