Chapter 65: The Saint Who Hates God (4)

Sien took advantage of the rare moment of respite she had earned.

For the first time in a while, she could distance herself from the harsh sounds of panting and screams, feeling the warmth of the sun on her skin.

She was seated in a small clearing where grass had sprouted.

Around her were the holy knights assigned to protect her, but she chose to tune them out.

Sitting in a meadow like this made her feel as if she had returned to the past, calming her spirit.

With this newfound tranquility, Sien watched the children play innocently.

Witnessing their endless brightness, oblivious to the war and violence, steadied her own heart.

In a way, it could be seen as a form of compensation for her sacrifices.

It was to preserve such innocence that she was willing to get her hands dirty.

Though the hardship she endured was primarily for Berg, that innocent laughter was also among the things she wanted to protect.

She wanted to do so because she too had once been sheltered and cared for.

Even when she had lost her parents and had to navigate a harsher reality, she could distance herself from all the griminess because of Berg.

Similarly, when they were both young, Berg had dirtied his own hands for her sake.

He kept her from being drawn into the slums and advised her to settle in an orphanage.

When children appeared to bully her, he fought on her behalf.

The rough Berg of the slums showed a gentle smile, but only to her.

“...”

If a stranger were to observe her childhood, they might think she was unfortunate.

From a young age, she suffered physical pain and hardship.

There were times when her life had almost taken an even darker turn, nearly being sold as a prostitute in the slums.

Having lost her parents.

Becoming an orphan...

However, every memory from her childhood was precious to her, each one a treasure in its own right.

Especially after meeting Berg, not a single memory could be discarded; they were all irreplaceable.

The seven years she spent with him were the happiest in her life.

It remained true to this day.

Leaning on those memories, she was enduring each day.

She was still waiting, hoping to rewrite the story that had been interrupted with Berg.

If the church knew her true feelings, they would surely be scandalized.

That the saintess of Purity wanted to devote both her body and soul to a man.

But Sien had intended this from the start.

Her heart had always been oriented toward Berg alone.

She had survived thus far because of him; she was willing to sacrifice everything for his sake.

Even now, she was striving for a future in which he did not die.

As much as they had shared their childhoods, her feelings for Berg had taken root deep within her heart.

He didn’t love her because she had become a saint; he loved Sien, the orphan who had nothing.

The more time passed, the more miraculous his unconditional love seemed.

It wasn’t something that just anyone could naturally experience.

Sien looked at the symbol of Hea that rested on the back of her hand.

“...”

A thought she had entertained hundreds of times.

If she hadn’t had this symbol, what would her life be like now?

“...”

...She would undoubtedly be with Berg.

He would have been within her arm’s reach.

As always, they would have embraced each other and spent the day leisurely.

They would have touched each other, felt each other’s presence.

Perhaps they would have even had a few adorable children by now.

- Thump...

Such thoughts brought fresh tears to Sien’s eyes.

“...”

This was the downside of rest.

On the battlefield, there was no time for such thoughts, which was a blessing in disguise. But when time was abundant like this, her heart ached as if it were being torn apart.

At the end of every happy daydream, all that surfaced was her current reality and the image of Berg, shedding tears during their moment of parting.

‘...Don’t go, Sien...please...’

Berg, who had remained unfazed even when bloodied from fights, dismissed for his slum upbringing, and even when parting from friends, had helplessly wept at her cruel words.

‘Please...I beg you. I don’t want it to end like this.’

Berg had pleaded, setting aside his pride.

He had always given her everything, but Sien couldn’t even grant him this one plea.

It hurt too much.

She felt so, so sorry.

“Saintess-nim, it’s time for prayers.”

At that moment, a knight cautiously approached to inform her.

Wiping away her tears, Sien nodded.

She averted her eyes from the children who reminded her of her past with Berg.

And then, with some difficulty, she rose from her seat.

.

.

.

- Thud

Sien stepped into the prayer room alone and closed the door.

Once again, it was time for prayers.

The stone statue, an effigy of Hea, gazed down upon her sternly.

With movements honed by habit, she knelt before the statue of Hea.

And then she recited the same unchanging prayer.

‘...May he be happy. May he be safe.’

This wasn’t a prayer raised in reverence for Hea. It was a prayer solely for Berg.

‘...I hope he...miss me as much as I miss him.’

Then, suddenly, a blasphemous thought wormed its way into her head.

That thought made it impossible for her to continue her prayer.

A fleeting surge of anger filled her mind.

“...”

Perhaps it was because she had shed tears yet again today, thinking about Berg.

She asked a question she had asked hundreds of times but never received an answer to.

“...Why...”

The statue continued to look down at her without any movement.

“...Why me? Please, give me an answer...”

How wonderful it would have been if the mark had never appeared.

How much easier it would have been if this heavy burden had been given to someone else.

She possessed the miraculous power to heal people with a single gesture, but she had never wanted it.

“...Why was it me?”

Sien spoke to the unresponsive Hea.

“...Why...Us?”

It was too painful to keep attributing everything to a higher purpose.

Soon, Sien’s hands started to tremble as she prayed.

“...Hea-sama...please...”

She poured all her heartfelt desperation into her voice, hoping that this time Hea would listen to her.

“...Can’t you please let me go?”

Her voice echoed in the empty room.

“Can’t you release me...and choose another Saint? I’ve tried my best...I’ve sacrificed more than enough...”

Sien sometimes resented her own weak heart.

If she were as strong as Berg, she wouldn’t be acting like this.

She wanted to abandon everything and run away, but she kept thinking about the repercussions.

What would the Church do if she fled?

How many innocent people and children would die because of her choice?

What would happen to her comrades?

...What would happen to Berg?

Bound by those thoughts, she found it impossible to escape.

As long as the mark remained, she had no choice but to stay.

There had been more than a few times when the mark felt like the symbol of a criminal.

If the damage were limited to her alone, she could endure it.

But that was not the case, leaving Sien with no choice but to suffer like this.

“...”

Today, too, Hea remained silent. Sien stifled her tears.

“...”

Her hand naturally moved to her bosom.

She pulled out a necklace made with the symbol of Hea.

- Clink.

The symbol, resembling a flower.

With lifeless eyes, Sien removed the necklace, held it in her left hand, and stared at the back of her right hand where Hea’s mark was etched.

- ...Scratch!

****

Sien attended the afternoon gathering of the hero’s party.

Everyone seemed rejuvenated, relishing the rare moment of respite.

Except for Sien.

Seeing her appeared with swollen eyes, Sylphrien spoke up.

“...Saintess-nim...”

She then noticed her bandaged right hand and drew a sharp breath.

“Sa-Saintess-nim, again...”

Guilt welled up in Sien, feeling she was causing them unnecessary worry.

“...I’m sorry.”

“...”

As she apologized, Sylphrien closed her mouth.

Having seen how much Sien was struggling internally, Sylphrien refrained from offering any hasty consolation.

Sien wondered if perhaps her aptitude for balance was why she was chosen by the God of Harmony.

And when Sylphrien remained silent, both Hero Felix and the centaur Acran also held their tongues.

It seemed everyone thought it was better to pretend they didn’t notice.

“...Let’s work hard a little more, all of us.”

Despite it all, Felix injected some strength back into the group.

The war was winding down. That much was an unchanging truth.

Sien nodded her head. Taking a deep breath, she hid her emotions.

At least outwardly, she appeared spirited.

Soon after, Felix, exhaling a long sigh, spoke.

“The next destination isn’t to capture the Demon King or his right-hand man. We’ve received intel that a city located on the front lines’ supply route is in danger. We’ll need to liberate that place first.”

“Where is it?”

Acran asked.

“The Jackson House in the South,” Felix answered.

“A human family?” Sien inquired.

“Yes. Sylphrien?”

Sylphrien picked up the thread, listing information about the target as she usually does.

“Yes, according to my friends, the situation in the territory has been deteriorating rapidly recently. The drawn-out war is one factor, but the most significant issue seems to have been the death of Lord Jackson, who was the head of the family.”

Acran stroked his chin.

“…Lord Jackson must have had good leadership skills? If the territory has gone downhill so dramatically after his death...”

Sylphrien shook her head vehemently.

“Quite the opposite.”

“Huh?”

“...He passed away without properly designating an heir... which led to fierce infighting among his sons.”

“Isn’t it common for the eldest to take over?”

“That would be the norm, but Lord Jackson had multiple wives. Each wife had sons as well. So it’s complicated.”

“Ah, polygamy.”

Acran snorted.

Felix let out a sigh, then spoke.

“...Whatever the case, let’s go. As always, if there’s somewhere that needs help along the way, we’ll help.”

“Agreed.”

“Yes.”

“...Yes.”

As the conversation concluded, Felix looked at Sien with concern.

“...Saintess-nim, if you’re finding it hard, we could rest a few more days—”

“—No need.”

Sien lowered her head, pretending to be fine.

She wasn’t the only one struggling.

“Thank you for your concern.”

Acran also spoke.

“...You don’t have to decline the offer. Don’t act according to our standards. Whether we lift each other up or support each other, we have some energy left to spare. It’s quite different for you, the Saintess-nim, who has to stand on her own. It’s right for us to adapt to you.”

“Rest assured, Acran. I just wavered for a moment upon hearing that name yesterday.”

Felix, Acran, and Sylphrien exchanged glances.

Sien stood her ground, voicing her opinion.

She might not know how much difference a day or two could make, but she wanted to complete the task as soon as possible.

She longed to return to Berg quickly.

Only by returning to his side did it seem like she could finally rest.

She dreamt of a happy future that would come someday.

“Alright, let’s get going, everyone.”

And so, she said.

Today, too, she put on a feigned smile.

“...Thank you for your consideration.”

– – – The End of The Chapter – – –

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