Chapter 199: Ner's Choice (3)

How long had I been sitting in the master bedroom?

"...Berg?"

When I lifted my head at the sound of someone calling my name, Arwin was standing there.

"..."

Just a moment ago, it felt like Ner was still by my side... but my mind felt like it was twisting apart.

Lost in thought, I hadn’t realized how much time had passed.

"...Have you eaten?"

I didn’t have an appetite, but I didn’t want to talk about it.

"...Yes."

So, I lied instead.

"...That's a lie."

But Arwin saw right through it immediately.

I was left speechless, frozen in place.

Arwin hesitated for a moment, as if considering whether to approach me, then let out a small sigh.

"...Rest, Berg."

With that, she turned and walked away.

I glanced around the room.

Night had fallen deeply.

Even the cold wind had begun to slip in through the open window.

As I turned my head, I noticed the bed—completely empty.

At some point, sleeping alone in this large bed had started to feel strange.

Sien’s absence.

...And now, the absence of both Arwin and Ner.

The time I had spent with them in this place was long.

I swept my hand over the empty bed, recalling what had just happened.

I had pushed Ner away, who had knelt down, trying to comfort me.

It was an instinctive, defensive reaction, born from my troubled mind.

I acted that way, thinking it would be harder for both of us otherwise.

After all, the fact that we couldn’t continue as we were wouldn’t change.

No matter what Sien told me, that reality remained.

"...."

But maybe... maybe I had crossed a line earlier.

I hadn’t forgotten that Ner was risking her life to cure the plague for me.

I knew that, thanks to her, countless people had been saved.

I also knew that she was tirelessly working day and night, losing sleep to help the ailing Sien.

Perhaps treating her so coldly was a mistake.

But I only did it so I wouldn’t give her false hope.

We were still a newly risen family, and with the new laws in place, there was no way I could keep them by my side under the royal family's watch.

"...Ha."

Still, there was no doubt I owed her an apology.

Maybe it was Sien’s words that triggered this realization.

The wall between me and Ner and Arwin had softened—just a little.

I decided to be a bit more honest with my feelings.

I stood up and started walking.

Ner’s room was right next to the master bedroom, so I knocked on her tightly shut door.

-Knock knock.

"...Ner."

But there was no response.

She must’ve been really upset this time.

And she had every right to be.

That only solidified my resolve to apologize.

-Knock knock.

"...Ner. I’m coming in."

When Ner was angry, she often stayed silent, curling up with her tail.

The fact that I knew this little detail was proof of the time we had spent together.

"...?"

But when I opened the door to her room, no one was there.

The air in her room was just as cold as it was in mine.

Where could she have gone at this hour?

Was she still tending to the patients?

I blinked a few times, then made my way upstairs.

I stopped in front of Lan Blackwood’s room and knocked gently.

-Knock knock.

"It’s Berg."

The door creaked open soon after I spoke.

-Creak...

Lan appeared in the doorway, looking at me with curious eyes.

"...What brings you here at this hour?"

Her yellow eyes, glowing faintly in the darkness, reminded me of Ner’s. 

A strange sense of familiarity washed over me as I asked her, "Do you know where Ner is?"

"Ner?"

"I was wondering if she’s still caring for the patients."

Lan looked up at me, her expression stiff, and shook her head.

"Ner finished her work early today. Isn't she in her room, making medicine? She was working hard to create something to help Sien."

"...."

It seemed Lan didn’t know where Ner was either.

At the same time, the information she gave me stabbed at my conscience once again.

She was working so hard for us, yet I had hurt her so much.

Even with our complicated past, this time I had truly gone too far.

"Has Ner disappeared?" Lan asked.

I responded, "...Yes. I’ll go look for her."

I turned to head back downstairs.

"...Lord Reiker."

A voice called out from behind me.

I stopped on the stairs and looked back at Lan, who was gazing down at me.

She spoke softly.

"...Is it true that humans can love more than one person at the same time?"

It was a sudden question about my race.

I had no answer to give her.

Because it wasn’t a lie.

I had once loved both Ner and Arwin at the same time.

"...."

In my silence, Lan continued.

"...Then, can’t you also care for Ner?"

I looked up at Lan.

For some reason, I felt compelled to explain myself to her.

"...It would only make us both miserable."

Lan remained quiet for a moment before whispering softly to me.

"...Isn’t it already miserable not to be loved by the one you care for?"

"...."

"Especially... when the only person you love rejects you?"

"...."

Lan bit her lip, as if she regretted speaking, then bowed her head slightly, her gesture almost an apology.

Before she closed the door, she whispered one last thing.

"...I’m sorry. It wasn’t my place to say."

"...."

"I hated Ner, but... I never wanted to see her look that miserable."

-Thud.

"...."

In the darkness, I replayed Lan’s words in my mind.

Even the one who once hated Ner was saying that what she was going through was too much.

With a sigh, I resumed walking.

Before going to search for Ner, I stopped by her room briefly.

The weather was cold, and I wanted to find something to bring her.

This action felt incredibly natural, as if it was second nature to me.

Though the feeling was different, maybe it was the habit I had developed from often looking for her during her nighttime walks.

"...?"

Then, I noticed a piece of paper lying on her desk.

It was resting quietly beside the books Ner had been writing for so long.

Something was written in neat handwriting.

I picked up the letter as if I were drawn to it.

"I’ve organized everything I know."

Just one short sentence.

That was all the letter said.

"...."

Beneath the letter were the many books Ner had been using.

As I flipped through them, I found detailed instructions on medicine preparation, symptom relief methods, precautions, the history of the plague—everything was meticulously documented.

"...."

But that wasn’t what caught my attention.

It was the letter that started to make my heart race.

A sentence that might have seemed trivial if written by someone else.

But because Ner had written it, it struck a chord within me.

Perhaps it was because I could infer what she might have felt while writing those words.

Or maybe it was simply that the sentence carried an ominous undertone.

Without thinking further, I crushed the letter in my hand and headed outside.

At first, I went to the backyard.

It was where Ner always waited for me when she went for her nighttime walks.

She’d sit in a spot where I could easily find her, gazing at the moon as she waited for me.

It had been our routine for me to quietly sit beside her, hold her hand, or embrace her from behind.

"......."

But I couldn’t find her anywhere in the backyard, or the forest that bordered it.

With every moment that passed, my anxiety grew.

I left the forest and started heading toward the center of the village.

There were still many soldiers patrolling the village with torches in hand.

I grabbed one of them and asked.

"...Have you seen Ner?"

"Captain?"

"...."

"Ner-nim? No, I haven’t seen her."

After getting a no from one soldier, I moved to another and asked the same question.

Each of them gave the same answer—they hadn’t seen her.

It was as if she had disappeared without a trace.

With each passing moment, an overwhelming sense of unease crept into me.

It felt as if the emotions I had been trying to suppress for her were now surfacing, demanding to be acknowledged.

I headed toward the outskirts of the village.

When I reached the guards at the village gate, I asked them, "Have you seen Ner?"

The guards exchanged uneasy glances before answering.

"Yes. We saw her leaving the village a while ago."

"...Where did she go?"

"She headed toward the forest over there..."

I turned my gaze toward the forest they were pointing to.

It was the same forest where bandits had been causing trouble recently.

As I frowned, the guards quickly offered an explanation.

"Captain, we thought she’d return soon. She’s gone to that place before to meet someone, so we didn’t think it was out of the ordinary..."

I wasn’t blaming them.

If there was anyone to blame, it was myself.

Without offering them a response, I quickened my pace and headed toward the forest.

If I really think about it, I’ve been avoiding this all along.

Perhaps, having found some degree of happiness with Sien, I had been turning a blind eye to Ner and Arwin. From the very beginning, I had tried not to think of them, driven by the sense of betrayal I had felt at the time.

I didn’t want to consider Ner’s situation or Arwin’s either.

I thought that by separating, we would all find our own happiness.

I hoped Ner would find her destined partner.

I wished Arwin would break her ties with me, a short-lived human, and find her own freedom.

That’s the future I had envisioned for them.

Part of it was due to the anger I carried, but I also thought that once our emotions cooled, this would be the right path for all of us.

Wasn’t that the burden I had been carrying for so long?

Ner had told me many times that she couldn’t love me. She said she hated the fact that I was human, that I could love multiple people at once, and that I was a mercenary... It had all been distasteful to her. We were only tied together by a political marriage.

As for Arwin, our lifespans didn’t match, and she longed for freedom. She had always said that our marriage of convenience was the last hurdle before she could pursue that freedom.

Though I had resisted these thoughts for a long time, there was logic in their words.

So when I felt betrayed, I followed that line of thinking.

I stopped forcing things and let them have what they wanted.

"...."

But maybe, just maybe, that wasn’t the case for any of us.

Perhaps everything had ended the moment it began.

Maybe after we parted ways, none of us were truly happy.

From the moment we were tied together in marriage, we should’ve remained together.

Despite what they originally claimed, over the years, we had built countless memories.

"...Hah...hah..."

By now, I was panting, having run deep into the forest.

"...Ner."

My hand instinctively went to the hilt of the sword at my waist as I called out her name.

Ner... Ner... Ner...’

My voice echoed through the pitch-black forest.

The deeper my tension grew, the more my worry for Ner intensified.

Her letter—it felt like she had given up.

My heart raced at the thought that she might’ve ended her own life.

I was terrified that she might’ve made a rash, foolish decision.

I knew... I was the one who had driven her to that point.

That much was clear to me.

Reflecting on my actions, I knew how absurd it was for me to feel this way now.

But it had been the same with Sien.

I thought I had let go of all my feelings for her... but the moment I heard she was in danger, my body moved on its own.

And now, as the situation unfolded once again, I realized that perhaps Sien’s words were right.

‘...Liar. You can’t let go... of someone once you’ve held them in your heart...’

Maybe I had been denying that truth all along.

I started running faster, heading toward the place where I thought Ner might be.

"...Ner...!"

I called out her name, louder this time.

Even with the full moon overhead, the forest remained dark.

As I ran through the woods, memories from the past began flooding back.

This place, too, was filled with memories of Ner.

Despite the bandits that had taken over the area in recent times, it had once been a pleasant spot for walks with her during our married life.

We had shared warmth here, laughter, and a silent bond of trust.

Everywhere I looked, I could see traces of her.

At last, I reached a clearing in the forest, a place where there was not a single tree, as if a hole had been punched in the middle of the woods.

The clearing, bathed in moonlight, was brighter than any other place in the forest.

This was another spot where Ner and I often sat together.

If she was anywhere, I thought she might have come here.

"...."

But she wasn’t there.

The empty clearing lay before me, quiet and still.

I slowly walked toward the center.

Where could she have gone?

With each step, the uneasy feeling in my chest grew, and my feelings for Ner became clearer.

-Thud, thud, thud!

Suddenly, I heard someone rushing toward me from behind.

Instinctively, I gripped my sword and turned, ready to defend myself.

But then, I froze at the sight of soft, white hair fluttering in front of me.

"...Ah."

-Thump!

Before I could react, she threw herself at me, knocking me off balance.

With the awkward position and the relief of finally finding her, I fell backward.

"Ugh... H-heuk...!"

Ner, who had climbed on top of me, started to cry, her sobs breaking the silence.

"This...!"

"...."

"This is... what’s in your heart...!!"

She cried out.

I had finally found Ner.

I couldn’t say a word in return.

I simply stared at her as she glowed under the moonlight, her white hair reflecting the light, shining like a ghostly vision in the night.

I remained still, just watching her, unable to respond.

– – – The End of The Chapter – – –

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